Letters from Uzbekistan: a Retraction my Ass: Trump or Putin or A Pot of Boiling Lies

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The Mysterious Miss Uzbekistan, 2013.

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Donald Trump, the man whom my source previously named as her father (with Melania)

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An Imperial Arrangement?


Gulnara Karimova.

The New Tale

My heretofore reliable source has gone off the rails. I received an emergency note from Arslan Levantinovich (as he has recently re-named himself) begging me to delete the article I wrote on his word (he claimed to have evidence he would have to deliver in person, and up to that point he had been perfectly upright and accurate in all our dealings) as to the Paternity of the mysterious Miss Uzbekistan of 2013, to wit: Trump and Melania. He would fill me in later. So what the hell, I wrote it. Now, Mr. Levantinovich, or rather–his transparent anagrammatical code name, by which he signed this note warning me of the possible ill luck descending toward my friend Arslan, Valentin Lasarnovich–begs me to believe that this could turn embarrassing at any point in the future after the imperial marriage of none other than V Putin and the daughter of Islam herself, Gulnara Karimova, at the wedding of which they will announce the identity of their daughter, Miss Uzbekistan, 2013.


Believe what you want. Maybe this is a retraction.

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